Parent Coaching Advice For The Extreme Temper Tantrum

The Terrible Temper Tantrum

The terrible temper tantrum may sound like a children’s picture book, but unfortunately it’s a very real situation for most parents.  These sudden outbursts from a child can range from the pouting of lips, stomping of feet and ugly looks, to the more furious ones.  These can include flopping onto the floor, kicking, screaming, crying and even the throwing and/or breaking of toys.  These tantrums can occur whenever a child is dealing with a frustrating situation, is tired, hungry or just plain unhappy.

However, you may also experience extreme, monster tantrums when you try to implement new changes to your parenting style.  New rules often times will throw toddlers into a state of tantrum.  Children at this stage in development may have a difficult time articulating their frustration and unhappiness and will do anything to get what they want from their parent(s).  Enter the Tantrum Monster.

So what can you do when the tantrum monster rears it’s beastly head?

Don’t Feed It!

First of all, the tantrum monster wants nothing more than to be fed.  In other words, giving into your child’s demands, trying to soothe it away or generally placating the situation is only going to give the beast more fury.  Sure, it may settle for a short while but the next time your child get’s upset, you’ve set the tone for the situation.   Soon this learned behavior is happening more and more and most likely is escalating in levels and fury.

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No matter how difficult it may seem indulging in any negotiating, begging, arguing, fighting or pleading will only make matters worse -  don’t battle the tantrum monster!

Becoming a More Playful Parent – Positive Parenting That Works

By Jamie Alan

Positive parenting and learning more about becoming a playful parent can breach any gap in communications between you and your child. ‘You catch more flies with honey’, is a phrase that comes to mind. Positive interactions are more likely to leave a lasting impression of trust and belief in you as a parent. Your building ways to communicate that are much more open and easier to engage in for your child. Getting results should be what matters most to you as a parent and positive results are what you will get when you use positive parenting. Building a relationship with your child is not always easy and learning how to become more playful will make a world of difference.

Interactions between parents and children lay the foundations for the childrens social and emotional development. Play is a perfect medium for introducing opportunities to set positive interactions in motion. Using play for smart ends to gain a better understanding of your child. This is not an undermining strategy to get the child to let their guard down and then milk information out of them. Even if this is what happens. All you are really doing is coming to them on their terms giving them and opportunity to be a part of something fun and getting to know you better as a person.

It is not easy for some people to become playful but like any skill, it is a thing can be a learned. Through practice you will better be able to initiate these playful scenarios almost effortlessly. However, in the beginning it can be a challenge. As a parent this is part of your responsibility and it also opens the door for your inner child that we can all become more acquainted with.

One way to playful parenting is using a toy to role play with. Using an item that the child is affectionate towards as a character allows for transference. They are suddenly able to role play their problems out through the stuffed animal or doll,(or action figure). Whenever a child is struggling with an emotion or a confusing concept in their real world, it helps to give that role over to a fantasy character.

This allows for detachment and takes all the pressure off of the confession. They will act it out will incredible detail as though it happened to the object. By detaching themselves from the problem or issue they will fell more free with expressing what they really want or what is really going on. Plus, you will be allowed more liberal questioning and this is important. Just choose your questions wisely because it will be in the details that you can truly learn to connect with your child. Then you can help them to find a solution for the character.

This really is an excellent opportunity for both of you. By giving children a proper outlet for them to creatively express their concerns allows them a chance to be both objective and honest. They will ultimately become more assertive in finding solutions. Positive parenting is truly effective on more levels than any other method. Becoming a playful parent will provide the right emotional setting for you and your child to bond with each other gracefully.

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Teach Your Children Emotional Intelligence Parenting

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Improving Parenting Skills Using Coaching

By Louise Yates

“Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them learn rather than teaching them” (Whitmore, J, 2004)

If we are to define coaching in this way then it would seem that this is an obvious way of helping our children to grow and develop, especially as they enter teenage years when they tend to take less kindly to parental orders and direction.

But how many parents do actually adapt their style as their children grow older and consciously take a coaching approach which might not only take away some of the anxiety they face but also allow their children to flourish into mature adults.

Put simply coaching is about asking questions which allows the coachee (in this case your child) to reflect, deepen their self-awareness, learn, consider options and identify their own course of action. This process helps to develop your child’s ability to reflect (whether this is about their own behaviour and values, or a situation), it helps them to take responsibility for thinking through some of the dilemmas they are faced with and it increases their confidence that they do have many of the answers themselves. The more you ask them questions rather than tell the more your children will instinctively learn to ask these questions of themselves better equipping them to problem solve as they enter the adult world.

So what might be a typical coaching scenario? Your 13 year old daughter has come home and told you about a disagreement between friends which threatens her own friendship. You could just tell her what she should do… but let’s face it you weren’t there to witness the confrontation and there is a good chance that whatever advice you give will fall on deaf ears… after all ‘you do not understand!’

Instead you could start by asking a few questions such as ‘How do you see the situation?’, ‘What do you think the real issue is here?’ ‘How does x person see it’ ‘How does y person see it?’ ‘What is important to you here?’ ‘If you were a teacher what advice would you give?’ ‘What would you like to do now?’

Another scenario may be when your son comes home from a party having drunk too much alcohol and got into a fight. Whilst you may want to be assertive and express your own views, if this is the only approach you take what learning will there be in it for your son? They may learn not to come home drunk again (and instead sleep over at a mate’s house) but that is all. Another approach would be to help them learn from the scenario ‘How did it happen?’ ‘What part did you play in this?’ ‘How might you avoid this in future?’ ‘What do you now need to do to sort this out?’ ‘What have you learned from this?’ As you ask questions you avoid conflict and you are there to listen, help your son reflect and give them support. How much more powerful is this approach than a confrontation which will end in a row and only increase the chances weakening your parent-child relationship?

So next time you are faced with a scenario where you are tempted to jump in with your own response think about those questions that you might ask instead. You may be pleasantly surprised by the mature response you get back, consider how this will be preparing our child for life as an adult and think about the rewards of a strengthened relationship you will reap as they appreciate the space and support you are giving them.

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