Parent Coaching Advice For The Extreme Temper Tantrum

The Terrible Temper Tantrum

The terrible temper tantrum may sound like a children’s picture book, but unfortunately it’s a very real situation for most parents.  These sudden outbursts from a child can range from the pouting of lips, stomping of feet and ugly looks, to the more furious ones.  These can include flopping onto the floor, kicking, screaming, crying and even the throwing and/or breaking of toys.  These tantrums can occur whenever a child is dealing with a frustrating situation, is tired, hungry or just plain unhappy.

However, you may also experience extreme, monster tantrums when you try to implement new changes to your parenting style.  New rules often times will throw toddlers into a state of tantrum.  Children at this stage in development may have a difficult time articulating their frustration and unhappiness and will do anything to get what they want from their parent(s).  Enter the Tantrum Monster.

So what can you do when the tantrum monster rears it’s beastly head?

Don’t Feed It!

First of all, the tantrum monster wants nothing more than to be fed.  In other words, giving into your child’s demands, trying to soothe it away or generally placating the situation is only going to give the beast more fury.  Sure, it may settle for a short while but the next time your child get’s upset, you’ve set the tone for the situation.   Soon this learned behavior is happening more and more and most likely is escalating in levels and fury.

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No matter how difficult it may seem indulging in any negotiating, begging, arguing, fighting or pleading will only make matters worse -  don’t battle the tantrum monster!

Parenting Guide: 5 Simple Tips To Make Your Child Feel Loved

by Mark Arrollado

We parents don’t need to be taught the ways to express our love to our kids. Most of us naturally know how to do it: a hug, a kiss, rubbing the kid’s back, words of encouragement or affectionate talking… all these that we are so familiar with, that we do everyday, are signs of love. This article only serves as a reminder – and probably a checklist, for a few methods that we can use.

I would like to share with you Dr. Gary Chapman’s work, that categorizes the methods we often use to show our love into “The Five Love Languages”. This book is intended as a guide for married couples, but I am sure the Five Languages he introduced are universal – it works for parent and kids too!

Language 1: Words of Affirmation

Our kids listen to us. No matter how defiant they appear to be, they are always listening, and are sensitive to our words. Therefore, we have to be careful in what we speak to them. We might even want to ‘design’ the language pattern we use, to generate only positive energy.

Affirmative words help build our kids’ positive self-image. A daily “I love you” gives your kid a sense of warmth, safety and security, and lets him know that he’s lovely and deserves to be loved. A “good job!” encourages him to repeat the positive behavior he shows. A repeated “you are our darling” makes him certain that he belongs to the family and is respected. “I am proud of you” gives him much courage to grow and excel…

Language 2: Quality Time

No matter how busy we are, as parents we must make it a point to spend quality time with our children. When we are together with our kids, we focus on them – not the e-mail we have to reply immediately, not the soccer news we must not miss, not the floor we must clean now. All the chores that take our attention away from our kids show our lack of interest in spending time with them – the kids can feel it.

Take the kid out to play at least once a week, chat with her every evening, have dinner with her – and no disciplining during dinner, go shopping for groceries together, involve her in gardening… Or at least, if we’re really so busy with other things, give the kid a deep, warm, sincere hug every day.

Language 3: Gifts

Giving gifts isn’t encouraging your kids to grow materialistic. It should be viewed as a sign of recognition, appreciation or rewards. And did you notice, your kids are the experts in giving gifts! Remember the birthday card he made for you, a flower she picked for you from the roadside, a serving of sushi served on a cute plate (both are plastic toy though)…?

Your gifts don’t need to be expensive. A pint of ice-cream, a new shirt, a doll, a new white board, etc will do the job. It can be non-materialistic stuff too! A visit to zoo, a trip to grandma’s house, and even a promise to play a game with the kid will be appreciated.

Language 4: Physical Touch

This is the most familiar way to show love to most parents. We enjoy hugging our kids, brushing our fingers through the kids’ soft hair, cuddling them sleep, stroking their backs… Love can be felt by both the kids and us when we do that. And not only do the kids feel good – we feel good too!

Scientifically, physical touches stimulate endorphins, the “feel good hormone”. Endorphins helps releasing stress and strengthens the immune system. So touch your kids more. It not only fulfills her emotional needs, but physical needs too!

Language 5: Act of Service

There was once my wife asked my son, “How do you know mummy loves you?”, and my son, with the limited words he knew, said, “Because you always comb my hair for me”. This explains how an “act of service” is a way to express love.

We can choose to completely take over the chores we are helping our kids do, but better, we can involve them and do it together with them. Remember to accompany the act with abundant of physical touches and words of encouragement, to maximize the expression of love!

See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at

Goddard Parent Guides: Family Dynamics

A 56 seconds video clip about Goddard Parent Guides: Family Dynamics.

Learn & Enjoy Watching!

See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at

How to Use the Yogi Approach to Positive Parenting

by Maggie Fairchild

Being a Mom is hard. Learning the best way to parent your child is difficult and requires patience, understanding, and a support system. Yogi parenting is an approach to positive parenting that gives you an opportunity to allow your child to make mistakes and learn lessons. The yogi parenting approach applies yoga techniques to parenting in an effort to provide a nurturing environment for your child.

There are many different techniques to try; you have to find what fits for your partner and yourself. Parenting books can provide different ideas and examples of what to do. Couples often have difficulty deciding the proper way to react to situations. This summer, take a deep breath and try a new style of parenting.

Yoga techniques can help you remain calm and stress free in situations with your child and it can be useful when disciplining your child. Come up with a system that encourages your child to do the right thing and then reinforce that behavior. Act in the present and ask them why they acted in that manner. Create an open, honest environment where it is alright to make mistakes and try new things.

If you child does something wrong show them they can talk to you without angry. Support their growth and development. Your child is learning right and wrong and through those experiences are developing their own personality. Set a good example by focusing on what they do right during the day. Open up dinner conversations to discuss one good and bad behavior that happened during the day. Give them choices and so they feel powerful as well. As you start to focus on the super things they do, you will stop noticing the negative.

Remember to be patient, stay calm, and most importantly, breath. It’s easy to overreact, but overreacting is not the best way to end problem behavior. Next time your child throws a tantrum, relax, take a deep breath, and act how you would want them to act. Following the yogi parenting method, reinforcement can be giving them a couple extra minutes of play time before dinner or letting her watch their favorite movie. Just remember to stay consistent with your parenting.

As parents, you learn as you go along. Find what fits for your family. Yogi parenting is one approach to positive parenting that may work for your family.

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See Also Parenting Articles by Dr. Randy Cale at