Parent Coaching Advice For The Extreme Temper Tantrum

The Terrible Temper Tantrum

The terrible temper tantrum may sound like a children’s picture book, but unfortunately it’s a very real situation for most parents.  These sudden outbursts from a child can range from the pouting of lips, stomping of feet and ugly looks, to the more furious ones.  These can include flopping onto the floor, kicking, screaming, crying and even the throwing and/or breaking of toys.  These tantrums can occur whenever a child is dealing with a frustrating situation, is tired, hungry or just plain unhappy.

However, you may also experience extreme, monster tantrums when you try to implement new changes to your parenting style.  New rules often times will throw toddlers into a state of tantrum.  Children at this stage in development may have a difficult time articulating their frustration and unhappiness and will do anything to get what they want from their parent(s).  Enter the Tantrum Monster.

So what can you do when the tantrum monster rears it’s beastly head?

Don’t Feed It!

First of all, the tantrum monster wants nothing more than to be fed.  In other words, giving into your child’s demands, trying to soothe it away or generally placating the situation is only going to give the beast more fury.  Sure, it may settle for a short while but the next time your child get’s upset, you’ve set the tone for the situation.   Soon this learned behavior is happening more and more and most likely is escalating in levels and fury.

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No matter how difficult it may seem indulging in any negotiating, begging, arguing, fighting or pleading will only make matters worse -  don’t battle the tantrum monster!

How to Use the Yogi Approach to Positive Parenting

by Maggie Fairchild

Being a Mom is hard. Learning the best way to parent your child is difficult and requires patience, understanding, and a support system. Yogi parenting is an approach to positive parenting that gives you an opportunity to allow your child to make mistakes and learn lessons. The yogi parenting approach applies yoga techniques to parenting in an effort to provide a nurturing environment for your child.

There are many different techniques to try; you have to find what fits for your partner and yourself. Parenting books can provide different ideas and examples of what to do. Couples often have difficulty deciding the proper way to react to situations. This summer, take a deep breath and try a new style of parenting.

Yoga techniques can help you remain calm and stress free in situations with your child and it can be useful when disciplining your child. Come up with a system that encourages your child to do the right thing and then reinforce that behavior. Act in the present and ask them why they acted in that manner. Create an open, honest environment where it is alright to make mistakes and try new things.

If you child does something wrong show them they can talk to you without angry. Support their growth and development. Your child is learning right and wrong and through those experiences are developing their own personality. Set a good example by focusing on what they do right during the day. Open up dinner conversations to discuss one good and bad behavior that happened during the day. Give them choices and so they feel powerful as well. As you start to focus on the super things they do, you will stop noticing the negative.

Remember to be patient, stay calm, and most importantly, breath. It’s easy to overreact, but overreacting is not the best way to end problem behavior. Next time your child throws a tantrum, relax, take a deep breath, and act how you would want them to act. Following the yogi parenting method, reinforcement can be giving them a couple extra minutes of play time before dinner or letting her watch their favorite movie. Just remember to stay consistent with your parenting.

As parents, you learn as you go along. Find what fits for your family. Yogi parenting is one approach to positive parenting that may work for your family.

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Dr. Shimi Kang – The Dolphin Approach to Parenting

A 3 minutes and 14 seconds video clip about Dr. Shimi Kang – The Dolphin Approach to Parenting.

Learn & Enjoy Watching!

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Parenting Positive Teens with ABC – Appreciation, Boundaries, and Courage

by Linda Fulmer

Parenting Positive Teens with ABC – Appreciation, Boundaries, and Courage

“If you think it’s hard now, just wait until they’re teenagers.” What parent has not heard this warning from well-meaning friends and relatives, not to mention the media? It seems adolescence suffers from a cultural “bad reputation,” and too many teens and their parents suffer needlessly by buying into it.

Although there are unique challenges during the transition between childhood and adulthood, the most beneficial message for parents is that raising positive teens without constant struggle is possible. For enlightened parents who are able to express the best in themselves and see the best in their teens, the parenting journey can be pleasant and rewarding and teens can learn to be confident, capable, and caring.

It may not be as easy as ABC, but the following A. B. and C will go far to ease the parenting journey and promote positive, responsible teens.

A Appreciation

B Boundaries

C Courage

Appreciation is powerful. First of all, appreciation and positive attitudes go hand in hand. In fact, it’s nearly impossible to be negative when we regularly and sincerely find things to appreciate. Research proves positive people are happier, healthier, and wealthier.

Positive, appreciative parents are much more likely to find things to like about their teens, and nothing brings out the best in people more quickly than letting them know what you like about them. Given the social, emotional, and biological challenges of adolescence, being appreciated is especially important to teens.

Far too often adolescents are discouraged and disheartened by adult focus on problems caused by teens and their choices in general and by specific focus on their own shortcomings by parents and teachers.

Appreciation, on the other hand, energizes teens, frees them to be themselves, and empowers them to try new things. Being appreciative also energizes parents and helps free them from the resistance that interferes with healthy relationships.

Much of that resistance comes from noticing what we don’t like, pointing it out to teens, and expecting them to respond by changing. Although parents have good intentions, fixing weaknesses is slow and inefficient at best. It is through strengths, not weaknesses, that human beings have the best opportunity for positive growth.

Appreciation is possible even when things are not going the way we would like them to go. No matter what is happening around us, we can choose our attitude. For example, we can see rain as spoiling our picnic or growing our flowers. We can complain about our teen’s weird preferences or appreciate our teen’s growing sense of self.

By consciously looking for and frequently appreciating what teens do well and their positive attitudes and actions, parents reinforce the best in themselves and their teens. The easiest way to get more of what we want is to notice and appreciate it in small doses.

Again, what we focus on expands and appreciation expands that which is appreciated. It also makes it more likely that teens will feel appreciative toward others and pass the gratitude on.

Boundaries are limits and the most effective boundaries are reasonable ones, preferably agreed upon through dialogue with teens. The best boundaries are those that are clearly defined with equally clear consequences if boundaries are not respected.

Boundaries can also help teens choose positive behaviors. Specific boundaries regarding parties, for example, can increase the likelihood that teens will make wise choices about what parties to attend and be courageous enough to leave parties where behaviors fall outside the agreed upon limits. A reasonable curfew can help teens avoid compromising late-night situations.

Boundaries, however, should still allow teens room to explore their world, express themselves, and expand their horizons while they grow into themselves.

Boundaries are not shackles; they are outer safety limits that expand with experience and trust during the adult apprenticeship program we call adolescence. Parents cannot guarantee safety with limits, and boundaries that imprison usually spur adolescents to look for escape routes.

Instead, boundaries that positively guide decision-making honor teens’ need for independence yet provide scaffolding and reinforcement for teen brains and bodies still “under construction.”

Courage is essential. While we ascribe it to firefighters, police officers, and survivors of disasters and disease, nothing is more courageous than quality parenting.

Parents need courage to find characteristics and behaviors to appreciate rather than weaknesses to complain about. Parents need courage to set and monitor reasonable boundaries in the face of pressures to conform. Parents also need courage to maintain both their standards and their cool when it’s easier to give in or blow up.

Courageous parenting requires follow-through with agreed upon consequences, too. Courageous parents avoid rescuing their teens. They know we all learn best by experience. They appreciate how importance it is for everyone, including teens, to take personal responsibility for their actions.

Finally, parents need courage to allow their teens to be who they are rather than what others want them to be. Many of the struggles between parents and adolescents can be avoided when parents courageously honor their teens’ individuality.

These ABC’s–appreciation, boundaries, and courage–are basic essentials for good parenting. Just as letters are the building blocks for words, appreciation, boundaries, and courage build healthy family relationships and promote positive teens.

Linda Fulmer is a seasoned educator, an enthusiastic speaker and consultant, and a free lance journalist who revels in sharing “good news.” Nearly three decades of middle school teaching and directing high school theater have given her an “up close” view of the challenges and rewards of education.

Now “refired,” Linda continues to share her deep convictions about learning and pursues her passion for helping people of all ages thrive personally and professionally through her partnership with Ruth Grass in Yellow Moose Perspectives. Their company envisions a world where people express the best in themselves and find the best in others. To that end, Linda and Ruth help people choose beliefs and behaviors that allow them to thrive. They base their work in emotional intelligence, strength-based strategies, and brain research applications. Learn more about them at [] as well as [] and []

Linda earned her B.S. and M.A. in Ed. from The Ohio State University and lives in Ohio with her husband Mike.

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